Maybe if I make a to-do list of things I need to do I’d be better at getting them done. Alright so here goes.

• get a job. i don’t know why i’m so fucking terrified of even trying, but the very process of filling out an application freaks me out. i mean what’s the worst that can happen, they don’t get back to me? it’s not like they’d call and say “you suck.” in about two minutes i’m going to be yelled at by my mom about this very thing so i’ll probably do the application tonight. or an application tonight. 
• stop biting my nails. i stopped for a week or so but then the bad habit came back. i really need some better way to keep my hands out of my mouth.
• work out every day. this is such a hit or miss because either i get a really good workout in like yesterday or i lounge around and get lazy as fuck like today. i had this whole plan of getting up, meditating, and working out when i woke up and that went to shit the second i put on a robe instead of sweats and grabbed a cup of coffee instead of water. tomorrow, but i always say tomorrow. 
• keep my room neater. self-explanatory. there are some bad habits i need to kick including that pile of clothes on the floor and forever leaving plates and cups on my nightstand. 
• just stop being such a shit person. i really am it’s awful.

it’s been a while since i posted here. i guess i only log onto this account when my worries and fears get the best of me. earlier i was talking to lauren and she brought up this offer because her boyfriend needs to hire someone at this bookstore where he’s working and they have a room that i could stay in and basically she’s begging me to come visit for a month and make some cash. originally i sort of though this was a good idea — you know, better than sitting around like i’ve been doing. it would have been… maybe not exactly fun but i could stop feeling so damn antsy. i casually mentioned it to my mom and. well she didn’t exactly shoot it down or say nO but she told me i need to find a permanent job because it looks bad that i bounce from job to job and i stay only a few months at a time. and well i agree. i know it’s not an excuse but my parents have really been pushing me taking a vacation in janurary since they wanted to give me a vacation as a graduation present. i mean it would be kind of silly for me to put in applications and maybe get an interview or even a job then i have to say lol sry going away for a week. 

that’s not really a valid excuse though. it’s not an excuse at all because i could definitely work on other things and get myself prepared for getting a job. and lately i’ve been… sort of distant from the internet and things i’ve wasted my time doing lately. i should definitely get started on things now that i’m feeling apathy to wasting time. i think this is turning into one of my spaghetti methods — throw everything at the wall and see what sticks. 

but like i’ve said in the past, i honest to god have no idea how to go about getting a job. like where to even start